The problem with serious stockpiling is that you make yourself a target for anyone who didn't, if the worst actually happened. A stockpile of weapons might help protect you, but if you're sitting on years and years of food and survival equipment in a wasteland of thousands of starving and desperate people, chances are most of your weapons will just be one more thing looted from your corpse after a less well prepared and more desperate person gets lucky.

That's why you need to stockpile something which will be extremely valuable after an apocalypse, but not worth killing you over. Something which is cheap now, but that most people with a little extra food stockpiled might be willing to trade you for. Something you need and will use daily anyway: toilet paper.

Plus, any accidental death resulting from your toilet paper stockpile is probably going to be hilarious .

Interesting idea, but I think toilet paper won't cut it. In an emergency situation, you can probably get by without it. Especially if you don't have anything to eat.

Perhaps batteries? But they would be hazardous to store. Also these days the only things I own that use batteries are alarm clocks.

Antibiotics? They wouldn't take up so much space either, but perhaps they decay too quickly?

Or something valuable that clearly requires your personal knowledge to operate. Like a fancy radio.

This is an excellent reason to be a bicycle mechanic.

I've always thought that in the event of an apocalypse a good plan would be to go and knock off a survivalist and nick all their stuff. Given the name, it would be funny if the survivalists are all the first ones to go.

No doubt it will all go badly and I will end up being suffocated after trying to break into the fortified ranch via what looked like an undefended tower on the northern perimeter, but actually turned out to be the largest of their toilet paper silos.