Dude, don't harm yourself, it's just no worth it. Even living on welfare is better than giving up life entirely. I have struggled with thoughts like that for years myself, and I've been graced enough to know it's never worth it. My company, Bloomberg, is hiring a lot right now. Email me (http://scr.im/daveslab) at any time if you're looking for a nice place to work, even if it's just to get back on your feet again.