> you seem to believe that the issue is that I'm lonely
I do think solitude is a fine thing, and there's nothing wrong with a circle of one. Hollow friendships are even more unhealthy, and watching some endless chase for meaning via other people scares me. I also believe loneliness is not obvious: I have met extroverts with many friends who are lonely!
All I am trying to say is that life is a long call option with a far future exercise date.
You are considering suicide. That means that you can permit yourself an immense freedom to do anything or everything. You could make it a challenge (or job, or just for fun) to scientifically search for something that satisfies you... Imagine treating yourself as a child that needs some magic, and give yourself the intellectual freedom to search for it: break outside the boundaries set by your culture and parents and inner voice. Ask others where they find meaning, and experiment upon yourself with things, even things that you might disagree with (while avoiding hurting others I hope).
I like the saying I am committing suicide at one second per second. Living is suicide since we all die!
I will also explain what I am personally doing, not as a model, but just FYI. I decided to do my own "bachelor of humanity", where I spend my time and mental effort learning from others what makes them tick. I also recently have dedicated significant time to supporting others, those who I judge deserve it (ideally unselfish people that give too much and take too little).
The minimum you should do is change careers: I suggest you work in a cafe for a year. Any minimum wage job where you are interacting with people every day would do... it is a form of beautiful hell, but you learn to understand what goes on in the minds of others (the wonderful, the bizarre, and the frightening).
> I'm open to hearing ideas if you have any though.
The boring way would be to investigate the data on how people die within your age band, and pick something efficient?
The fabulous way would be to create a surreal narrative, something outrageous, a bizarre story worth telling.
Best of luck with whatever choices you make: I hope you can find a way to enjoy yourself or even just bring a smile to others, otherwise I wish you do the minimum collateral damage possible...
I do think solitude is a fine thing, and there's nothing wrong with a circle of one. Hollow friendships are even more unhealthy, and watching some endless chase for meaning via other people scares me. I also believe loneliness is not obvious: I have met extroverts with many friends who are lonely!
All I am trying to say is that life is a long call option with a far future exercise date.
You are considering suicide. That means that you can permit yourself an immense freedom to do anything or everything. You could make it a challenge (or job, or just for fun) to scientifically search for something that satisfies you... Imagine treating yourself as a child that needs some magic, and give yourself the intellectual freedom to search for it: break outside the boundaries set by your culture and parents and inner voice. Ask others where they find meaning, and experiment upon yourself with things, even things that you might disagree with (while avoiding hurting others I hope).
I like the saying I am committing suicide at one second per second. Living is suicide since we all die!
I will also explain what I am personally doing, not as a model, but just FYI. I decided to do my own "bachelor of humanity", where I spend my time and mental effort learning from others what makes them tick. I also recently have dedicated significant time to supporting others, those who I judge deserve it (ideally unselfish people that give too much and take too little).
The minimum you should do is change careers: I suggest you work in a cafe for a year. Any minimum wage job where you are interacting with people every day would do... it is a form of beautiful hell, but you learn to understand what goes on in the minds of others (the wonderful, the bizarre, and the frightening).
> I'm open to hearing ideas if you have any though.
The boring way would be to investigate the data on how people die within your age band, and pick something efficient?
The fabulous way would be to create a surreal narrative, something outrageous, a bizarre story worth telling.
Best of luck with whatever choices you make: I hope you can find a way to enjoy yourself or even just bring a smile to others, otherwise I wish you do the minimum collateral damage possible...
I live in NZ, so a long delay answering.