I'm not going to lie, his life story made me jealous. Extremely jealous. He did all the things I wanted to do (speaking in categories, not exact things) and is free to do more. It seems like in some cultures (mine is South Asian) there is a threshold on exploration time. Usually around the age of 28-30 years old (for some even lower than that, I consider myself one of the most fortunate ones). As I approach that number I feel the invisible hand of expectations and responsibilities crushing my spirit. But I must also remember comparisons on life scales don't really work and nobody can win neither the happiness Olympics nor the misery Olympics.
I'm not going to lie, his life story was written and presented with the precise goal in mind to make people feel this way. I stopped reading after half the article because I found it way too self-promotional.
So don't feel bad about your life just because someone on the internet pretends to have a more interesting one. Those people are usually just attention seekers and for some reason need the outside validation to feel good about their achievements. And remember that not needing that validation can be a strength too!
I don't want to dismiss somebody else's life experience because it looks too fancy. I have nothing against honest self promotion, it's someone's story and I clicked on the article after reading the headline. I have no indication that this person is pretending or faking it. Also, even without all the quirky things, there are plenty of things to be jealous of. Like all the different things he tried his hands at, the freedom to just up and leave a pretty successful thing.
I realize that these articles suffer from the connecting the dots thing, where people make connection in the present which they would never have in the past. But that is besides my point, even if he failed at all those things, I am still jealous he had the chance to try all these things.
May we go on a short tangent about a word and its associated feeling?
I submit to you that you don't sound jealous, because it really doesn't fit the rest of what you express; I suggest that you are maybe "envious¹" in the sense that jealousy means envy + depriving the other of what they have ("it should be me and not them", it's a matter of exclusivity, like being jealous of #1 if you finished second, or jealous of the one dating someone you love, or whoever took your job/offer). You don't sound hostile to them, merely wishing more for yourself (which in itself is a positive feeling?)
I really don't know what the word you meant to use in your own language actually meant (I'm French personally, so English is just our medium translation layer). But I'm curious, culturally you know, about these nuances².
I'd love it if you could just introspect that feeling a bit and share what it really feels like, the complex emotion and what it "touches" in you (does it bring despair, or motivation, or resolve, etc). [if it's too personal, I got email, just ask]
Personally, I can feel "aspiring to" or "inspiration from" people who achieved more than me — I don't want to deprive them of anything, I don't wish they failed, nor do I wish to belittle their accomplishments; however I'd love to eat everything they know, steal like the greatest of artists (the good ones merely copy!), that is at best become friends with these people and let them influence me (the true deeper meaning of that book³, if you ask me). And I know, somehow deep down, that the more I'd be rooting for these friends, helping them go further, the more I'd be moving forward/up as well, taken in by the positive storm.
[1]: envy is “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.”
[2]: Part of my (personal) research on human nature, motivations, "what makes us do what we do".
[3]: How to win friends and influence people, by Dale Carnegie
Honestly speaking, as english is not my first language, I confused the two words. I thought envious means to want to deprive others of what they have. I guess then I may have confused some people, I am envious but I think it doesn't detract from my overall point. The word in my language would literally translate as desire but it's more than that, it would mean more like I would like to have that and it feels bad that I don't even have the opportunity to have it.
I would definitely say this lack of even the opportunity to do this makes me feel despair. I can try as hard as I want, but some things are just out of my control, some truths about my life were written even before I was born. I honestly cannot muster up the strength to derive inspiration or motivation from these, because those things are relevant for things which are possible.
Rest assured that jalousy and envy are actually often confused my many people, even in one's own language. ;-)
> The word in my language would literally translate as desire but it's more than that, it would mean more like I would like to have that and it feels bad that I don't even have the opportunity to have it.
Yeah, OK, I get it. That's a very good word (the one in your language). I think it's a rather universal feeling, this "invisible ceiling". Many people feel that for various reasons.
There's a certain school of thought, somewhere between philosophy and spirituality, that speaks of "abundance", and beyond (or perhaps before, on the way) of "inner peace" or "inner happiness". The oldest forms I know are Stoicism (western cultures) and Zen (eastern cultures), and you'll find it nowadays in e.g. Tony Robbins, that kind of field. I think there's truth in it that just works, at least it did for me (took me about 35 years to figure it out though, as it's just totally outside the realm of "education" nowadays¹, unfortunately IMHO).
One mechanism that I've always found to be true, is that from the depth of our biggest despair comes our symmetrical potential for joy, and vice-versa. It takes knowing how good/bad it gets to really feel how worse/better it is, or rather goes.
It's certainly trying on one side, but invaluably rewarding on the other.
[1]: at least in most of the western world, afaik.
I think the limit is mostly set by having kids, and not necessarily age. My wife and I travel frequently (if you consider this exploration time, but I might have misunderstood). And in addition she is now going back to university for a third master after having worked for some time.
We're about the age you describe, late-20s, early-30s. But our friends of around the same age with kids seem to have a lot less of this 'freedom'. Responsibilities take over.
Not saying you can't do those things with kids - but it does seem harder.
Here in Northern Europe you're expected to do most of your traveling in your 20's, but we also have pretty decent vacations - so the solo / friend / backpacking type of traveling gets replaced with more family friendly stuff when you start getting kids.
I have lots of friends in their late 20's / early 30's that still travel the world, many times a year. But they don't have kids, and their travels (outside summer vacation) tend to be shorter, as in long-weekends etc.
It's not just about traveling. It's just one of the components. This guy was a teacher, musician, maker and now DL expert. And it doesn't seem like he is settled on that yet. He is still exploring what he wants to do. Changes his life to match his interests. I lived some of my life like that. Took some non standard paths. But it is getting increasingly hard for me to do this. Not because there aren't opportunities for me, but because it's getting unjustifiable to "society". And I know the usual line about "who cares what others think" in the west. Although it's logical in the west its not so in South Asia. Even if you don't care, your parents will and you will care for your parents. So it's inescapable. By Western standards I should be a totally free person, I am not married, don't have any debt, a high earning job which I'm bored by only 50% of the time. But these same things trap me. Single status leads to public derision in social gatherings (also friends get married and it becomes increasingly hard to be the only single guy in the group), my insistence on not taking on any debt means I live in a small rented apartment which it hard to be accepted in the society around me, a high earning job means I can never just quit because then I will have no social support due to it being a bad decision.
As I write this, my (admittedly limited) understanding of how Western society works makes me think these would not be problems but my biggest assets.
Let's be real here - and no, I'm trying to put this guy down:
He was hardly a qualified teacher. Lots of young people up here go on voluntourism trips to countries in Africa or Asia to teach a couple of months. If you want to try teaching, you can do so locally; There are lots of options.
Musician, sure, it's fun (I've toured in 4 different countries myself playing in band, though 15 years ago now), but it's hard to do full-time.
DL expert would be to push it, there's a long way between being productive and being an expert.
But I'm gonna be frank with you, doing all those kinds of things is possible here because we have a great welfare system. You can work, save aggressively, and do whatever you want.
The unfortunate fact of life here though, is that a lot of entrepreneurs and indie developers (just to pick a few) are funded by welfare checks.
> You can work, save aggressively, and do whatever you want.
If you think I can do that, I have definitely failed in explaining what the problem is. I have almost my post tax yearly salary as savings (apart from the investments and stuff), but due to the reasons explained in my other post I can't do shit.
Not everyone has the privilege of living out a bildungsroman/Jungian heroic journey. You're right, you sound like you have all the assets including the desire, but perhaps it's not the same as it's not occurring during your formative years and without peer support. Thankfully, you seem be self-conscious enough to be living your life for your self, instead of with the aim of peddling a brand.
