Whatever one's theory for why atomization occurs, it can't simply be that people aren't trying hard enough. That doesn't take into account other forces that shape their lives. The right will generally talk about institutional failure and the collapse of a common culture, the left might talk about the community-destroying tendencies of capitalism, but the fact remains that people are atomized.
I also think you're mixing up cause and effect. I was the alienated guy in my early 20s--depressed, underemployed, angry all the time, flirting with alcoholism. I'm a programmer now, married, and working somewhere I really love. The acceptance came first, though, not the usefulness. A few key people in my life accepted me for who I was, not my utility.
That isn't to say it's always beyond the person's control, of course. But chalking it all up to being individually deficient seems insufficient to me.
I also think you're mixing up cause and effect. I was the alienated guy in my early 20s--depressed, underemployed, angry all the time, flirting with alcoholism. I'm a programmer now, married, and working somewhere I really love. The acceptance came first, though, not the usefulness. A few key people in my life accepted me for who I was, not my utility.
That isn't to say it's always beyond the person's control, of course. But chalking it all up to being individually deficient seems insufficient to me.