Intel would argue (semi-sanely) that there's no monopoly on CPUs. You can make your own mips, arm, it even Risc-V CPUs.

Also that they cross license x86 with competitors.

Were there any new licensees in the last 15 years?

Nvidia reportedly had issues getting the necessary paperwork: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Denver#History

How very convenient, Denver would have pooped all over Intel's Atom offerings at the time.

The whole idea behind patents is that they are legal monopolies backed up with guns.

I know that there are some laws preventing businesses with a market monopoly from abusing that monopoly through patents. This is one reason why patent trolling entities exist: you can sell your patents to a 3rd party who will then go after your competitors.

I would love for a real lawyer to explain this tortured logic.

Really? How many people do you know that own a Smartphone that runs Intel?