I think they were not doing this to offend you. They don't even know this is an offensive gesture. In US the idea of of feet on the table might seem rude and unsanitary but it is not considered as an offensive gesture (like say, giving someone the middle finger).
> I lost respect for him that day. Unsurprisingly, he was an asshole of a professor too.
Hmm. Why do you say 'unsurprisingly'? Did you assume that he did it on purpose? If he did, then yes he is a douche bag, but I doubt he did it on purpose. Then your logic breaks down. The fact that he likes to put his feet on the table is independent of the fact that he is an asshole. And when you say you immediately "lost respect", that probably means you started to act towards him disrespectfully, and he was probably thinking "What a rude student, he is such an asshole. I don't understand why he acts like that towards me?" So to you he ended up being an asshole you probably seemed just as rude to him, all because he put his feet on the table and you mis-understood the gesture.
I think your university should have had some kind of cultural orientation for incoming international students to let them know that some gestures they find terribly insulting are just the norm. There is little hope the majority will change to your particular culture's sensibilities. I speak from experience, I lived half of my life in another country with different customs. There was some cultural orientation at the university, but there were also a lot of embarrassments and misunderstandings on both sides. I wish I had more silly little pointers and tips at the orientation rather than overgeneralized stuff like 'be prepared for new experiences and new things' -- instead something like this would be nice: "Americans feel strongly about their personal space. Stay the fuck away at an arm's length! Otherwise you creep them out" -- stuff like that.
>> And when you say you immediately "lost respect", that probably means you started to act towards him disrespectfully, and he was probably thinking "What a rude student, he is such an asshole.
I think you should refrain from making judgements when you were not part of the particular social interaction.
When you point your feet right at someone's face whereby you only see half their face, it doesn't need the acceptance of that gesture in a culture to tell you it's offensive. It should be common sense and decency. It's called courtesy and respect to the other person. Unfortunately in the name of a "laidback" attitude, a lot of stuff goes these days.
As for your unsubstantiated guess that I might have been rude -- I would put the odds very much against it as I was looking for a research assistantship at the time. And if you've been in grad school as a foreign student without funding, you know how desperately in need of it you are.
> When you point your feet right at someone's face whereby you only see half their face, it doesn't need the acceptance of that gesture in a culture to tell you it's offensive. It should be common sense and decency.
But that is where you are wrong. It's only "common sense" to you because it's offensive to you. It isn't considered offensive at all in the American culture--there's just no sense of indecency to the gesture. I've had many people do that to me (in corporate settings) and it's something I don't even notice.
I agree it's generally not really something to do in formal situations, but that's not because of the feet but because of the casualness of slouching...
You're making a lot of generalizations here. What makes you think it isn't offensive to put your feet up in American culture? It depends on the setting, really. While it may not be offensive if you're just hanging out at home with some friends, it's obviously unprofessional and rude to do it in a business meeting, an interview, at class, etc. You're telling me that your mother never told you to get your feet off the furniture?
> I think you should refrain from making judgements when you were not part of the particular social interaction.
Why shouldn't I? You described the situation on HN and others will naturally comment on it. If you see that comments are off, then correct the description or clear up the misunderstanding.
> it doesn't need the acceptance of that gesture in a culture to tell you it's offensive.
You obviously do. Showing someone your foot is not offensive in American culture to the extent that giving them the finger is. In India it is. In India you'd get fired for putting your feet on the table towards your boss. In US you would get fired if you flicked off your boss.
It looks like you are just as guilty of being close minded as you claim your professor is.
> As for your unsubstantiated guess that I might have been rude -- I would put the odds very much against it as I was looking for a research assistantship at the time.
Well but then what reason would a professor have to insult you based on that? In other words, you seem to have no plausable reason to behave rudely but neither does he.
> And if you've been in grad school as a foreign student without funding, you know how desperately in need of it you are.
Yes, I have been there. I sympathize with you on that. I ended up doing data entry for a university lab for $7/hour.
> I lost respect for him that day. Unsurprisingly, he was an asshole of a professor too.
Hmm. Why do you say 'unsurprisingly'? Did you assume that he did it on purpose? If he did, then yes he is a douche bag, but I doubt he did it on purpose. Then your logic breaks down. The fact that he likes to put his feet on the table is independent of the fact that he is an asshole. And when you say you immediately "lost respect", that probably means you started to act towards him disrespectfully, and he was probably thinking "What a rude student, he is such an asshole. I don't understand why he acts like that towards me?" So to you he ended up being an asshole you probably seemed just as rude to him, all because he put his feet on the table and you mis-understood the gesture.
I think your university should have had some kind of cultural orientation for incoming international students to let them know that some gestures they find terribly insulting are just the norm. There is little hope the majority will change to your particular culture's sensibilities. I speak from experience, I lived half of my life in another country with different customs. There was some cultural orientation at the university, but there were also a lot of embarrassments and misunderstandings on both sides. I wish I had more silly little pointers and tips at the orientation rather than overgeneralized stuff like 'be prepared for new experiences and new things' -- instead something like this would be nice: "Americans feel strongly about their personal space. Stay the fuck away at an arm's length! Otherwise you creep them out" -- stuff like that.