I agree with littlegiantcap on exercise and D3 and sunlight- HUGE difference. especially if you can look at your life and realize you feel differently in the summer than you do in winter or spring.

But there is one realization that has saved me. I call it the reset option. Reset all the things in your life that push you to contemplate suicide. None of them are worth it; so, reset them.

For myself, I imagined what my life would be like if I did die, to the world, but didn't actually die. If all my obligations, commitments, relationships ended, then what would I do?

What would you do the day after everyone thought you had killed yourself? You can choose to live your life that way now. You can live your life in any way that makes you happier. There is nothing wrong with playing around with the kind life you want to have. There is no wrong way to live your life.

don't reinvent the wheel. shopify is good enough and it's an incremental cost on each of her sales. how do you feel about maintaining this code if you guys break up?

yeah... your caution is well founded. she's a client (who isn't paying you, in this case). And, you don't want to get this client upset if you are too busy with a paying client to solve her problem. that's not going to be good for your relationship... is it?

I think your analysis is good, but it needs to go one step further. is your desire to dive into Django the best option for her long term interest? if she is your first client for a jewelry designer web-shop product, then cool. but if not ask yourself what is in her best interest.

And take her out some where nice and romantic after she gets the shopify website set up as congratulations. and surprise her with flowers, a clean kitchen, and a make out session so she feels better when she's frustrated that she can't get shopify to work right.

start now. what's holding you back?

I was at a university surplus site today and saw lots of cheap equipment. I'm assuming you are in love with BioChem... so why not start setting up your own lab?

If you want to work on a problem, start working on it. you don't know what you don't know, so follow your interests and your intuition to broaden your understanding and keep pushing your boundaries. Ask yourself a clear question and go about answering it. That is the basis of science.

When people say cancer is Big-S science, that tells you more about the kinds of abstractions being used and questions being asked then about actually doing science. You can ask different questions.

And maybe you shouldn't think of university as a long blocking task, but rather as an opportunity to get access to great equipment to run experiments.

search for user groups in your area on the tech you are interested in/good at and go to them. it's a good way to make contacts. and be open about that fact that you are looking for a job. you will probably have more luck finding something through a contact than through an ad.

ha. the status quo gets destroyed sooner or later anyway. stasis is a form of change because stasis turns into degeneration. The status quo requires energy to remain the status quo.

the real problem is not moving fast enough, in not being able to develop fast enough, in not learning fast enough.

for instance, unemployment is both caused by and a failure of the speed of development. if a person is unemployed, the problem they have is not being able to transition to a new or different industry because they can't learn fast enough.

arguing to keep the status quo is arguing to "slow down". And it's usually a disguised argument of sentimentality or of a vested interest.

it's okay that it's painful. pain means you need to be doing things differently. That is why you feel pain.

don't attach to it. you don't have to "admit" failure. Life is not a test.

There may be someone in need of your tech skills that you don't even know, and you just missed making that random contact at the coffee shop you always go too because she was stuck in traffic that day.

your freelancing thing barely works for two reasons: not enough paying clients, or clients that never pay. so go get new/more (paying) clients! advertise! be creative! spread your wings! get out of house and hustle, or write emails to prospective clients. work for free (temporarily)to get in the door if you have to!

change how you do things so it doesn't hurt anymore. don't take the fact that it hurts personally, take it as a clue.

when I contemplated suicide at that age (and since) I always come back to a wonderful realization. the reasons for suicide are satisfied in death... but they are also satisfied if you give up believing in those reasons. you will still be hungry when you have no food, but your reasons for suicide don't have to control you...

you can live whatever silly life you like for whatever silly reasons you like. your parents may not pay for it, but that's ok. Just another part of the post suicide adventure!

or as steve jobs said: “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

also, suicidal thoughts probably have underlying biological components. Therefore:

eat well, not too much, mostly plants. get exercise. your body and brain are connected and need to move around. go outside. it will make you feel better. interact with people. we are social organisms. sleep well. the more your learning the more sleep you will need. set learning goals. those goals are what should be getting out of bed every day. if your vision and goals don't get you out of bed, then change your goals.

I'm gonna make a guess that your parents want you to be happy. They also want you to be self-reliant. But they don't see either one happening now. so try some new things and see if either one improves.

You don't have to admit failure to try something different. Or to do something in addition to the free-lance thing. Or you could just kill the free-lance thing because it doesn't work.

It's difficult being a CEO. Sometimes you have to tell the new division it isn't making any money. Maybe the CEO has to pivot the business into a new direction. Maybe the division can hang on for 3 more months if it can meet new sales targets. Maybe the division must be shut down. In a shutdown, a good CEO will try and take the smart people from that division and puts them somewhere else where they will get a better return on their investment. These decisions are always complicated.

Your the CEO. So wear the hat and act like it.

I've had the exact same problem for years and after much fiddling around I too recommend vitamin D3. it's the same as produced by the body from sunlight. eat more fruits and vegetables. maybe take a multivitamin and fish oil daily. exercise regularly. and get enough sleep FOR YOU. some people need more than others.

I don't think it's any surprise that people are much less sick in the summer. People are in the sun much more in summer and hence have higher levels of vitamin D in their blood stream.

I personally feel that sufficient vitamin C and zinc (for men especially) are also important. But taking D3 at 2000-5000 daily is perfectly safe and certainly beneficial.

Why else would your body produce after exposure to UV radiation?

I am an atheist on most days. and I am not a materialist. If I have to self-classify, I am an idealist.

for tdoggette, you are wrong. There are many things that exist that are not part of material reality. My personal favorites are numbers. Particularly, the number two.

I used to think that letters also were not material, but then I saw a capital "I" on Sesame Street...

you are making this harder then it is. do you live together? and is this really a conversation about marriage and babies and you just aren't reading between the lines?

#1 follow your dreams. don't compromise that because it compromises yourself and that will never make you happy.

#2 drop the french lessons and take your girlfriend to france instead. plan a vacation with her, it gives you both something to look forward too.

#3 cut back on the day job and focus on the startup. what are you waiting for exactly?

#4 take your GF out on at least one planned date a week. it gives you something both to look forward too and should be fun. Every 10 days or so have a surprise date. you figure it out, cheesy, silly, serious whatever. make sure she is free by suggesting dinner or lunch or whatever and do something unexpected. also, have a backup plan. make sure you turn off your cellphone when you are with her!!!!!

I have a hunch your girlfriend is thinking, "so this is what life with you will be like?" and she doesn't like it. do you?

you're here one time. your not supposed to make a ton of money necessarily. money is a useful tool, not an end in itself. do the startup because you think it's cool and fun and will do some good and maybe make some money. but if you are only doing it for the money you and your relationships are doomed to fail.

I have to wonder how exciting your startup is if you are taking french lessons. I also wonder how interesting your girlfriend is that you would rather take french then have lunch in a bistro and practice your french on her every Saturday.

the real thing i'm trying to tell you here is make an effort at having more fun. with your girlfriend, with your startup.

and if you are not doing the date thing, you will be surprised by how helpful that will be.

because your fuzzy allocation is going to change from table to table, it would probably be best to keep a master table of fuzzy allocations.

something along the lines of

columnname, lowvalue, highvalue, weight

that way, you could keep all your weightings for whatever column you wanted to test on and do your joins on the low and high values.

it would also make it easier to modify your weightings and see how the queries you generate change their results without having to change any sql. And if you wanted multiple kinds of weightings for one column name you would just add a name field.

eg:

create table fuzzy (name VARCHAR(10) NOT NULL, colname VARCHAR(30) NOT NULL, lowval DECIMAL(10,2) NOT NULL, hival DECIMAL(10,2) NOT NULL, weight DECIMAL(10,2) NOT NULL, PRIMARY KEY (name, colname, weight), INDEX fuzzy1 (name, colname, weight), INDEX fuzzy2 (name, colname, lowval, hival), INDEX fuzzy3 (name, colname, hival, lowval) );